So yeah!! its pretty cool to know that this is my tenth post and I have written them all after having at least a couple of drinks. Its the freaking festival of lights and people do want some kind of happiness in their lives, but here's what I fail to understand, what is the kind of happiness that they are looking for? Is it the pretentious kind or the real kind, because I have seen people wanting either or both at the same fucking time. I would see people going to the houses of their close ones and exchanging gifts and the sad part is that I remember the damned expressions on these people's faces when they were packing these wretched gifts. What the fuck is up with that? Why is it so hard for people to live in the real world and acknowledge anything and everything that passes by without passing a freaking judgement. Without carving their damn point of view in stone and this kind of stuff is addictive. It passes around like some god damn flu. People catch this shit and they get affected with the disease and absorb it with all their pride. Of course if the truth be told its their pride that vanishes the very moment they choose to accept something like this but whose to say anything about it, because if you would then you would just be another one of those people passing some kind of judgement at such people.
I think the one's that are always and always on the look out for the real kind of happiness are way better off even though they know that they might have to be brutally honest in order to attain that kind of happiness but I suppose that is a small price to pay for getting something as good and as amazing as that. Who gives a shit if tomorrow I tell someone something they don't want to hear? How much can you run away from something like that, isn't it better that you would rather be prepared to take the hit at once and get on with it? Anyways, fuck it, I just don't feel like thinking about all this anymore. I just can't believe that someone has had such an impact in my life that I haven't been able to think about her ever. Someone who loves so much and has so much to give, someone who is so selfless, so sweet and so loving, someone who will reward your honesty with their endless love. They don't make someone like her anymore and I honestly feel that they never will. She is the best thing that ever happened to me and I now have started to think no matter what happens in my life there is not going to be someone like her that I am ever going to meet, like ever because if I had a choice and could tell god to just give me someone I wouldn't say someone like her, I would say just give me her, I don't want someone like her that's not good enough for me, I would force god to understand the difference between similar and same and plead him/her to just grant me this one wish for the rest of my life because I swear if I had met her before whatever it is she went through I would have never let her go out of my sight or out of my mind. I know I was a different person back then but I do know that if I had the chance of having her and loving her I would have never let that go to waste and off the record I swear to god if I ever bump into that dick head ex-husband of her's, so help me god I would not come out until I know there isn't a freaking heart beat left in me to move.
I don't really acknowledge god's existence that well but if there is one I know for a fact that he/she is just trying to fuck with me really bad. I know I have sinned, done some really awful shit in my life and if that person up there really thinks so why does he let me even live for that matter, why hasn't destiny written the chapter of my death till now and even if it has, why is it not close enough because people like me don't deserve to live, people like me never know what they have or appreciate its existence. She will be the only regret I will ever have, the regret of not meeting someone like her at the right time, the regret of not being able to give her what she truly deserves, the regret of not doing what I should have when I was suppose to. I have never felt that way for anyone my entire life and this is not some kind of fucked up Romeo and Juliet crap, this is here to stay, this is for real. I just hope that one day soon enough I do get the chance of getting her back in my life. I hate myself and everything about me without her. I just don't know what's gotten into me after she decided not to be with me the way she was with me. I hate the fact that we are not as close as we were back then, there's nothing that I would not do just to get her back the way she was in my life. Ohh!! man will this feeling ever go or be replaced by the person who is responsible for this feeling in the first place.
Whiskey really does amazing things to you and I think I am starting to feel its ever longing effect on me. I just can't imagine how crazy I am about this woman, how she has just been able to do this to me, make me think about her so much that I have become so helpless. What is it about her I just don't know that drives me so crazy? This large one is going to have its due. I just want her to be happy, to be at a place where she finds herself content in every possible way but then what do I do about this feeling, how the fuck do I lick these wounds, how do I bring myself to think that maybe I will never be able to have her ever again because the more I think about this the more I don't want it to happen. Why is this happening to me? I really don't think anyone can answer this question because if there are people in this world who have found love, I honestly don't think it is of this kind and intensity. She doesn't give a fuck about who thinks what about her yet she has this amazing ability to make people feel the way I do about her. I love her with all my heart and I just want her to know that if ever she was to find someone she thinks she can be with, I just hope and pray with all my heart that he is someone who can love her more than she loves him, he can give her what she truly deserves because she just does not deserve to be with someone who cannot do all that for her. This never ending selflessness is a quality that needs to be carved in the soul of that person whom she thinks is capable enough to be with her. She can never ever settle for anything less than that and I hope she never does. She has given me memories that I will take to my grave, that is something I know for sure, no matter what happens, the moments that I have shared with her will never ever leave me no matter what happens or who ever enters my life. I hate to say this but even if I do end up being with someone now, I will always compare that person to her and how she was when she was with me.
With this I want to end this but I know for a fact that I will be writing more and more about her and all of it.
Let love be what it is rather than making it what it should not be or doesn't want to be. Love like there's no tomorrow and you will know in your hearts that you loved the way love was suppose to be given.
Cheers!!!
I think the one's that are always and always on the look out for the real kind of happiness are way better off even though they know that they might have to be brutally honest in order to attain that kind of happiness but I suppose that is a small price to pay for getting something as good and as amazing as that. Who gives a shit if tomorrow I tell someone something they don't want to hear? How much can you run away from something like that, isn't it better that you would rather be prepared to take the hit at once and get on with it? Anyways, fuck it, I just don't feel like thinking about all this anymore. I just can't believe that someone has had such an impact in my life that I haven't been able to think about her ever. Someone who loves so much and has so much to give, someone who is so selfless, so sweet and so loving, someone who will reward your honesty with their endless love. They don't make someone like her anymore and I honestly feel that they never will. She is the best thing that ever happened to me and I now have started to think no matter what happens in my life there is not going to be someone like her that I am ever going to meet, like ever because if I had a choice and could tell god to just give me someone I wouldn't say someone like her, I would say just give me her, I don't want someone like her that's not good enough for me, I would force god to understand the difference between similar and same and plead him/her to just grant me this one wish for the rest of my life because I swear if I had met her before whatever it is she went through I would have never let her go out of my sight or out of my mind. I know I was a different person back then but I do know that if I had the chance of having her and loving her I would have never let that go to waste and off the record I swear to god if I ever bump into that dick head ex-husband of her's, so help me god I would not come out until I know there isn't a freaking heart beat left in me to move.
I don't really acknowledge god's existence that well but if there is one I know for a fact that he/she is just trying to fuck with me really bad. I know I have sinned, done some really awful shit in my life and if that person up there really thinks so why does he let me even live for that matter, why hasn't destiny written the chapter of my death till now and even if it has, why is it not close enough because people like me don't deserve to live, people like me never know what they have or appreciate its existence. She will be the only regret I will ever have, the regret of not meeting someone like her at the right time, the regret of not being able to give her what she truly deserves, the regret of not doing what I should have when I was suppose to. I have never felt that way for anyone my entire life and this is not some kind of fucked up Romeo and Juliet crap, this is here to stay, this is for real. I just hope that one day soon enough I do get the chance of getting her back in my life. I hate myself and everything about me without her. I just don't know what's gotten into me after she decided not to be with me the way she was with me. I hate the fact that we are not as close as we were back then, there's nothing that I would not do just to get her back the way she was in my life. Ohh!! man will this feeling ever go or be replaced by the person who is responsible for this feeling in the first place.
Whiskey really does amazing things to you and I think I am starting to feel its ever longing effect on me. I just can't imagine how crazy I am about this woman, how she has just been able to do this to me, make me think about her so much that I have become so helpless. What is it about her I just don't know that drives me so crazy? This large one is going to have its due. I just want her to be happy, to be at a place where she finds herself content in every possible way but then what do I do about this feeling, how the fuck do I lick these wounds, how do I bring myself to think that maybe I will never be able to have her ever again because the more I think about this the more I don't want it to happen. Why is this happening to me? I really don't think anyone can answer this question because if there are people in this world who have found love, I honestly don't think it is of this kind and intensity. She doesn't give a fuck about who thinks what about her yet she has this amazing ability to make people feel the way I do about her. I love her with all my heart and I just want her to know that if ever she was to find someone she thinks she can be with, I just hope and pray with all my heart that he is someone who can love her more than she loves him, he can give her what she truly deserves because she just does not deserve to be with someone who cannot do all that for her. This never ending selflessness is a quality that needs to be carved in the soul of that person whom she thinks is capable enough to be with her. She can never ever settle for anything less than that and I hope she never does. She has given me memories that I will take to my grave, that is something I know for sure, no matter what happens, the moments that I have shared with her will never ever leave me no matter what happens or who ever enters my life. I hate to say this but even if I do end up being with someone now, I will always compare that person to her and how she was when she was with me.
With this I want to end this but I know for a fact that I will be writing more and more about her and all of it.
Let love be what it is rather than making it what it should not be or doesn't want to be. Love like there's no tomorrow and you will know in your hearts that you loved the way love was suppose to be given.
Cheers!!!
