The Weird Feeling!!

Okay I think i'll just say this one out loud. I feel there is no one in this world with the power to tag a feeling. Its just a feeling dude, don't call it names and be racist. Why should it be weird, good, bad, sinking, nice or whatever the hell it is that people these days use to tag these kind of things. If you're under the impression that I am saying all this because I have some kind of so called "weird" feeling then HELL YEAH!! I do but I refuse to submit to the mere fact that anyone has the fuckin' right to call it "weird". Here as I speak my very intelligent uncle is calling his wife a garbage collector and making taunts to his wife saying "should I throw the clothes out of the suitcase just to accommodate your stuff that you were suppose to bring while coming back home. He lives in California by the way. A total jackass!! I always thought but could never gather the will to knowing how it would hurt my mother tell her what a royal piece of shit her younger brother is. Again, as I wrote that sentence he was on the phone with his wife asking her to not piss the shit out of him and trouble him at this time of the night if its not something important, the temperamental level of this man just amazes me at times. He is by far the most elusive breed of human beings I have ever interacted with in my life. With the mental age of a freakin' 10 year old human behaviour is something he doesn't have the slightest of clues about. I am practical in life and I know that very well but this guy, dude he's a total home wrecker man. Not only does he treat his wife with utter disrespect but he has absofuckinlutely no sense of conveying meaningful things to people who are more than twice his age. His own father doesn't know how to converse with him in a manner more discreet and calm despite the fact that he is what he is because of this 85 year old man. He just doesn't know how to speak to people at all. Like really at all. When my mum told me that he does not express himself in the best of ways, I was totally ok with it but, here's my analogy to all of this, if you feel you cannot make it with the mouth take a different route bro, who the fuck is stopping you, if you love these people who you do so much for then make this one effort also, but I guess he's too proud of something I don't know what that is to make this decision and strive to make his communication and presence felt more relaxing to the people he's surrounded by.

At times I feel what a dick head I am, I start with something and go off on a tangent totally unrelated to what I begin with. I don't think any number of apologies would bring this mistake to justice. So, sorry again to whoever is reading this. Anyways, coming back, that "weird" feeling, yeah you racist man/woman, you don't know what you're talking about when you put a name to it. You wanna do names go ahead I have tons of them for you too. Yes I do feel that words and emotions are something that are fragile, volatile and all of it. They need to be used properly and in a manner that each of them does justice to the other and since it is our race that has the privilege of knowing most of these WORDS it is my most honest appeal to this entire race that please strive towards this verbal/written justice because as I write this deep down in the darkest corners of my heart I certainly wish that every word is being justified by the word in front of it or for that matter behind it. Haha!! I didn't wanna say behind it because that would just make it sound really wrong. Coming out of the humour chamber, yeah its true that I have had that feeling and as I write this I am thinking about the person whose responsible for giving me this feeling. There's something about her that makes my feelings go in those directions, I feel she understands me and the time that we have spent in these 8 to 10 months at work I guess it would make me say that its nice to feel needed. Its nice to know that someone wants to keep their trust papers with you at all times. She has been much more than just a great friend to me in the past 10 months at work. She has made me feel needed and passed on an affection that it is truly pure and sacred, but like most affection I only wish this is just different not like the rest of the bunch. I am falling for her and I hope and pray that some part of her makes her see that in me.

Yes this is the weird feeling but for reasons known and personal to me. I wish I could share more about this feeling with you all but somehow its her I care about more than myself for the first time and hope to keep it that way.

Adios Amigos!! Cheers!! Have a wild Saturday night.